Thursday, July 4, 2013

This Mother's Reflections on the Past 18 Years

Maybe it's because she's heading off to college this month.
Maybe it's because I'm humbled by the faithful woman she's become... in spite of my sins and shortcomings.
But lately I am stuck;
Hovering above myself in thoughts about my daughter and the abundance of things You have taught me through this calling of motherhood.

So much, so many, so often... mistakes, no.
 Not mistakes.
 Revealed and exposed day in and day out.  Motherhood has lead me to repentance, over and over again.  The kind that stumbles me to my knees.
Realizing the capacity I have to mar this child, I plead frantically,
"Oh LORD!  Why?  Why would you ask this of me?  I am feeble at my best.
Oh the damage I am capable of!
Do something!"

...and You forgave me.
You strengthened my faith daily.
You brought Wisdom to my door and taught me to recognize Her.
You matured me and gave me confidence in the truth of your Word.
You never left me alone.  Always, You are there.

When You placed her into my arms, I felt the weight of all my inabilities.
I look at her now, and I see Your faithfulness to me.
She is the result of your Word.
Your Mercy.
Your Grace.

And I am not the same.
Sin still occurs, but I trust confidently in your forgiveness.
I walk boldly in places where once I hesitated.
Before, desperation gripped my heart, But your Word has released me and given me joy.

Now, I am able to let go of her hand and watch her walk away, completely dependent on You.
I don't grasp for her to come back, but encourage her to live in the same Grace and forgiveness which You have taught to me.

To God be all glory, honor and praise.